Well bois, the Jahresende looms once more. What are the Berlin dykes doing this Silvester? Where are we popping the Rottkapchen and using this stupid holiday as an excuse to kiss our friends? Where, oh where, are the vibes?
Okay, not-so-hot take—New Year’s Eve sucks.
“But Party Dyke," you say, "NYE is a party night. Those are kind of your whole thing.”
No my child; good parties are my thing. And on NYE, those are a scarce resource indeed.
NYE parties are overly expensive and overly packed.
The straight parties tend to have all the best venues booked out.
There’s so much pressure to have fun you end up fixated on a stressful deadline.
You only have a few hours to have all the fun, drink all the bubbly and kiss someone at midnight, so the next thing you know you're passing out in your buddy’s bed, wearing someone else's shirt and no pants, with little recollection of anything after trying to kiss your friend’s ex at 2AM. You spend three days trying to tell yourself that your impassioned rendition of Wanna Be was cute (it was not). You make a series of New Year’s resolutions and the only one you might hold to is no more Sambouca.
The best way to have a less disastrous start to your 2024 is obviously to organize a party yourself, keep it chill, keep expectations low, and treat the night like a drowsy afterparty from this shitshow of a year. Bring together your pack of queers, your gaggle of lesbians, your whole assorted chosen family in the apartment with the chillest neighbors, or maybe chip in for a little bar night. Just don't bother going to a big club on New Year's of all days; for the night is dark and full of cis straight dudes trying for a midnight smooch (I advise the stop, drop, and roll method, they find it very confusing and that gives you time to escape).
But if you must ring in another year (and knowing my demographic you must), here are the best ways to celebrate:
GEGEN • PRNCPTL • RSO
OXI NYE - 37 hours
Monster Ronsons New Year Karaoke
Merry Stripmas – It Only Takes One • Berlin Strippers Collective
Sun 23:59 - Tue 10:00
Two days of sexy chaos. Gegen and Pornceptual are both high-scale queer/ sex-positive parties but certainly lean towards the cis-gay-dude crowd. That being said there's a pretty stacked lineup gracing RSO's exquisite sound system; I think fka.m4a might be the star of the show. There will be a FLINTA* Playground and a present awareness team, we love to see it. The party opens for midnight, it closes... sometime in the ether after 30 hours in a club turns your brain to happy mush.
Sun 22:00 - Tue 11:00
Well, it's not an explicitly queer party but... look at that lineup. It's like a little WHOLE festival right there. If you've been following my sage guidance, you know these folks from parties like Buttons, Lecken, Dissident and so many of our favorite nights. We've got Carly Zeng, Stella Zekri, KILLA, Jacob Meehan, 131 BPM & PLS (KEYZ) and so many more favourites on the queer scene. OXI tends to bring in a really sweet and queer crowd, and I know that lineup will too.
Monster Ronsons New Year Karaoke
Sunday 18.00 - Monday 06.00
You might as well treat the early hours of the New Year the same way I spend every good Monday night. Drunkenly box-hopping my way across the Monster Ronsons karaoke booths, bothering strangers with the complete Avril Lavigne discography, spilling beer on the karaoke machine, and dancing with drag queens.
I'm particularly fond of the bit at the end of the night where people start letting out all the feels with tearful Adele songs. Let it out buddy, karoake is cheaper than therapy after all.
Merry Stripmas – It Only Takes One • Berlin Strippers Collective
The proper way to observe the New Year is, of course, with strippers. The Berlin Strippers Collective is taking over the main stage of the Volksbühne on New Year's Eve and New Year's Day for a new rendition of their hit show; Merry Stripmas. A tale of care and resistance, a political manifesto, a testament to the cultural impact of strippers on Berlin nightlife, and a protest against the stigmatization and criminalization of sex work. See some tits. Leave some tips. Head home happy.
In conclusion
I will once again advise you to keep NYE chill.
Rage it up the weekend before or after.
Where?
I'll let you know.
A Merry Happy Humbug to you all.
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